Life is always a paradox. A contradiction. On the one side we have so much technological progress that our gadgets are shrinking by the hour and on the other we are struggling to break the shackles of the age old traditions that have essentially changed their meaning in today’s world. Why is this so? The answer is a straight and a simple one. Let us try to explore as we go on.
The world has recently taken to a fascination for everything “Instant.” From Instant Noodles to Instant Upma to Instant Photos. So, is the case with marriage. Let me first explain the Inception of Instant marriage. In the late 90’s (Y2K fever) when there was a huge export of skilled labour (read software professionals) from India to countries such as the US of A, a new trend of marriage emerged. The boy who worked out of India would manage to take a month off and fly back to India. His family had only a month to get him married and that included selecting a match for him and completing a million other traditions and pujas before finally packing off the couple to whichever country the male partner worked. Almost everyone got married in this fashion in that period. In some circumstances, the engagement was even conducted, while the Groom was still abroad, with the Bride alone. Mind you, I am not exaggerating. Such marriages probably made sense, in whichever proportion, at that time.
Things have changed now (not that there is a lesser export of software professionals but otherwise) but little on the marriage front. Not very long ago a few of my friends marriages were fixed in a matter of minutes and the nuptial knot tied within a month and that too with both the bride and groom staying in India (no offense meant guys...). What’s the hurry? Marriage is the union of two people for life. Isn’t it only fair to give both the people a decent time period to learn about each other and decide if they want to live together?
The things that get the most attention in these weddings are the family background, the balance sheets, “dowry” (Don’t even get me started on dowry), groom’s job and salary, bride’s look and a few others none of which can effectively reflect upon the person. Effectively by the time they get married, they are still strangers to each other. However, no one in the society has any problems with this. Not even the parents of the bride and the groom. Everybody takes comfort in the fact that both the bride and the groom are from the same caste. (So, What!?)
On the other hand, when their offspring marries the person he/she loves who is most naturally outside their caste (There are so many castes in India that it is practically impossible to fall in love with someone in your own caste), they have no regrets or second thoughts in hacking them to death. Welcome to Honor Killing. Parents and brothers have no qualms about cold-bloodedly murdering someone in their own bloodline and that too in the name of the honor of their caste. When has caste become bigger than our siblings/offsprings?
Instant marriages and Honor Killings are different edges (extremities) of the same knife (caste). While Instant Marriages gratify Caste, Honor Killings glorify caste. Or, do they? Caste is nothing but a tradition passed on from ages. An impediment. Caste made sense in that age when a barber’s son became a barber and a washer man's son became a washer man. This is the age of barber’s sons topping the IIT and IIM entrance tests (don’t you read the newspaper headlines?) where caste has a very little meaning except for reservations and dirty politics. I came to know about my caste only when I was appearing for EAMCET (Engineering entrance test) and later got admission in a good college on reservation. Just take a minute here to recollect when you first came to know about your caste. In which circumstance?
Caste is the biggest example of tradition passed on for ages without questioning. Let us begin to question our traditions. We, Indians, take a lot of pride in our traditions and this is what stops our questioning. Whenever somebody starts questioning, he/she is comfortably tagged “spoilt” or “western.” It’s time that we act maturely and stop taking everything for granted. It’s time we question the status quo. It’s time we upgraded our traditions or, our kids and their kids will waste their childhood learning about our evil-practices like we wasted ours learning about “Sati” and “Untouchability.”
It’s never too late!
P.S: Even today caste is the major determinant of the election results. The leader from the most populous community wins the election. Is caste a merit on which we chose our leaders?
I am aware that there have been many articles on this subject but, this is an attempt to vent my frustration and probably make more people think.
3 comments:
Ohh ni badha ardhamu ayindhi. Nuvu sight vesina prathi ammyie caste ane perru tho hand isthundhi antavu. Jokes a part.
I agree with what ever you said.
Note: To have an affair is sin in ur daughters case .But your SIL having ex gal friends is not a big deal. Gals are meant to understand and adjust . That is what tradition taught us .
In the case of Instant Marriages, the engaged couple are using Mobile phone to know each other. But as they are already engaged they can't go back. "Adjust" is the word we are thought long before any othing. From child hood we are insisted to "adjust" to all unfavourable conditions. Now when children are asked to adjust with the partner forgoing there own thoughts , why can't PARENTS do that when there Children wants to marry some one off there caste.
I think I'll make a blog when we are dscussion comes on CASTE. Unlike u I was aware of my caste right from my Childhood. In my place every person name is pre fixed by his caste. So u'll know caste before person.
What could be the reason for honour killing..??? I think soiety we are very much worried about ppl around us who might ruin ur reputation by speaking wrongly about u when some one in your family's married to another Caste. I observed a trend that always if Boy is married to a gal from higher or upper caste they'll xcuse him but its not in the case with girl.
"LOVE" is the only solution for this. every one should think what they love more FALSE PRIDE or their children.
There are two things that I particularly liked in this post. First, You said that instant marriages is a sin as much as Love marriage is. Why would parents want to get their daughter's to get married to someone unknown when she loves somebody (This is not the case what you post but yet...). After all as an old saying goes a known devil is better than an unknown evil. However, its kind of difficult to argue on because both cases are always argued on selfish interests. But who cares as long as LOVE is only a matter of Convenience. (Borrowed this line from a movie though...)
Second, comparing Honor Killing to practices such as Sati. It was really embarrassing to learn about Sati as a Child. Tomorrow a country like ours where we are supposed to have great "FAMIILY VALUES", will be known as a country where they don't even allow Families to exist!
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