Sitting all by myself in a pizza joint, devouring a pizza I wonder about the difference between being alone and being lonely. How is being alone different from being lonely? If any, which is the better one? Then, I dig my teeth into the crust of the bread smeared with sauce and cheese and a few pieces of vegetable and meat sprinkled over it. I never liked to put sauce over a pizza or anything for that matter. I like them plain, unadulterated. Was I alone or was I lonely? I remember the last time I ate a pizza all alone. I had enjoyed it. It was long back. Now, again here I am in a pizza joint, with a slice of chicken supreme pizza, alone again. I conclude that I am not lonely because it was my decision to come here alone. So, it can be said that being alone is your decision. Being lonely is not. Lonely is when you like to be around people and there are not enough of them. If you ask me why I like the sauce between the cheese and the crust but not sauce over the pizza, then you don’t get it. It is because either you never ate a pizza before or because you just don’t get it. If you are eating only the pizza without any sauce or garnishing or seasoning that they give you like the chilly flakes because you like it that way, then you are alone. If you like to eat pizza with sauce and chilly flakes but at that time they have neither the sauce or the flakes, that is lonely. If you are still thinking about the sauce in between and sauce on top, then you still don’t get it. It does not matter. Let it go. Concentrate on the larger issue now. Will you? Cannot you decide to be lonely? No. You cannot because it becomes alone. Can you decide that in the pizza joint sauce and seasoning should not be available? The last time I ate pizza, I think it was the Hawaiian Chicken pizza. The pizza with a few pineapple pieces on it. Having that pizza alone was great. A few times earlier I had been to that place, I wanted to have a pizza but could not. Once, the friend accompanying me said that it was too early to have a pizza. Next time, another friend said that he was real hungry and wanted to eat something that fills stomach. Does not pizza fill the stomach? All food goes into the stomach. Pizza or other. I tried to explain this to him. He would not understand and so next time I went alone. Can you decide not to be lonely? Let me think. Yes, you can decide against being lonely. Let me explain. You go to a pizza joint and see that they are out of sauce, chilly flakes and the Italian seasoning. Here, you know that you are going to be lonely. You can either decide to go with it and be lonely or go to another place where they have all the sauce, chilly flakes and Italian seasoning. So now, what is the real difference between being lonely and being alone. Even loneliness has got a decision to be made. But, then is there nothing in life that is not a decision. To wake up was. To go to office was. To read this was. When I went alone the next time, I took a long time to decide which pizza to eat and what size. Regular would be too small. Medium would be a little more than I can eat. Large is out of question. When you are alone there are lot more decisions to be made. Lot more planning to do.
Now, when you cannot decide a thing, how can you decide against it? Let us go back to school. The teacher giving homework in Math was not your decision. But, it was and is always your decision to do it or not. I had ordered for a Pepsi before the pizza arrived. I had gulped it down, having nothing better to do till the pizza arrived. I had been lonely in life and also alone. Lonely as in having no one around and alone as in being away from everyone. Everybody goes through these. Both. Life does not spare any. I like Pepsi more than Coke. Because it is sweeter. I like being alone now. It gives me a lot of freedom and privacy. I can eat any pizza now. Chicken Supreme, Chicken Hawaiian, Chicken Salami, Chicken Tikka. By now, you must have understood that I am a fan of chicken. In meat, I like chicken’s.
I was lonely for 3 days once. I had no one to talk to. I had planned all three days to perfection. I saw a movie on each day. Read in the night. When the pizza had arrived, my mouth was watering. I ordered another Pepsi, stopping the river of saliva from flowing out of my mouth. I did not get bored. It was may be because I never pitied myself being lonely. I had rejected the blues of being lonely. I had fun. Pure good fun. I tried to eat more pizza and drink less Pepsi. I wanted Pepsi to outlast Pizza. I am alone now, by choice. As I write this, things around me are silent. Just, the fan makes a creaking sound. Its a bit old and the wings are out of shape. My thoughts are clear. No one to disturb their line. I struggled and finally got the Pepsi to win. Cheers Pepsi. My thoughts one by one slowly creep out of the brain and come onto this. I do not stop them. Why should I? The first time I went to a movie alone I realized that there is not much difference in coming alone. The movie entertains you irrespective of your accompaniment. I was lonely then. Everybody had a job and I had lot of time. Which one is good? Alone or lonely? Alone is good. The pizza tastes like it should. Everything is meant to taste in a way. Lonely is not bad either. You get a chance to know the real taste of pizza or the way it was meant to be. You get a chance to know the real you or the way you were meant to be. There were many people who had come to the movie alone. I was not the only lonely one. There were many. It also gives a chance to look into yourself. So, alone is good and lonely is not bad.
Now, I love being alone. I love traveling alone. It gives me a chance to read. In the past few months I read 75% of the books on journey to my home away from home, alone. The place I stay alone, I call home. It is one. I remember how I had an argument with a friend who called the place I live, a room. I protested, it is my home I said.
He protested. How can it be?
I asked. Why can’t it be? It is my home.
He finally gave up. It is not that I prefer watching movies alone but I don’t mind. But the movies I watch on my mac. I watch them alone. All alone. Just me and the movie. I try to see what the director wants me to see. Sometimes I do. Sometimes. Why does anybody have to be lonely? Why the hero has to win at the end of the movie? I will answer one at a time. The second one first. Thats easier. Because people like to see the hero win. People see themselves in the hero. With his victory, the sense of belief in self rises. Don’t agree? Then why do you walk out of the movie with a gloomy face when the hero dies? Because people have different lives. Because, people go to different places. Now, I am talking about the first question. People have different choices and so because you are unique you are lonely. It has nothing to do with being right or wrong. Being good or bad. You are lonely sometimes because you are very good. For every movie, good or bad you have to buy the ticket. You have to pay the price. Alone or lonely is the price you pay for a decision. Nothing comes free. There is nothing called a free-lunch. Till you watch the movie you never know if it is good or bad. Till you are alone or lonely you never know how good you are or how good you can be. The film is not always as good as the trailer, remember.
P.S: This style of writing is inspired by Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club. I loved the book and loved the style and tried to imitate him. If you liked this style then you will like the book too. Now, is this the book review? You decide. You like the style? Credit goes to Mr.Chuck. You decided to read the book? Credit goes to me!
